I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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