dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
