The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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