Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
