I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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