I love black thongs
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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