Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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