I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
