so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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