yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
