He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
