On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
