Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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