erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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