I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
