Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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