I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
