Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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