So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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