Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize