Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
