uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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