i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
