The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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