i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
