My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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