Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
