i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
