he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
