what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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