It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You are a genius and a whore.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize