i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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