omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
