I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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