Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
