It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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