No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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