I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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