ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you win again, gameday.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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