He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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