this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
