Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
