Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
