Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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