I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I am available for nakedness
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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