I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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