she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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