Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
two words: eviction party
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
