There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
