The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
