I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
