I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize