I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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