I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
