that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
