You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
