Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
