It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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