how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
