Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize
