Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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