I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
