i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
