it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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