Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
