i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
