i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
