just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
