My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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