btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
