i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
