In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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