i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
