Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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