I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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