shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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