Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize