Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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