I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
