the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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