I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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