Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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