i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
