Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
