Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
