the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
