Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
