Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
