let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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