a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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