this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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