chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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