I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
