Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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