apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
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