I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
