Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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