So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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