Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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