shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
